When is it time to keep working on a troubled marriage, and when might separation be the healthier choice? This follow-up to our “I Married the Wrong Person” episode tackles the nuances that our previous conversation missed.

We challenge the harmful church culture that sometimes pushes people to “stick it out no matter what” while also questioning the modern tendency to abandon relationships at the first sign of unhappiness. Between these extremes lies a more thoughtful approach to marriage struggles.

Many couples make the mistake of “staying together for the kids” while essentially living as roommates, planning to divorce once children leave home. We explain why this approach actually creates more trauma, not less, especially at critical developmental stages when children are forming their own views about relationships.

For those in troubled marriages, we offer practical guidance on approaching your spouse about relationship issues. Rather than pointing fingers with surface complaints like “you don’t help enough” or “we don’t spend time together,” we recommend vulnerable invitations to mutual healing: “I want us to rediscover what made us want to marry” or “I want things to be better, I know I’m part of the problem, and I’m willing to do the work.”

When a spouse refuses these invitations to growth, we discuss how to set clear boundaries, including what behaviors are no longer acceptable and what pathway remains open for reconciliation—the “wall” and the “gate” that define healthy limits.

Throughout the episode, we acknowledge the beauty that can emerge when couples courageously work through their brokenness together, while equally recognizing that sometimes boundaries, including separation, become necessary for wellbeing. These difficult decisions deserve thoughtful consideration rather than simplistic rules about what marriage “should” be.

Have questions or topics you’d like us to address? Contact us at help@stillbecomingone.com—we’d love to hear your perspective and possibly feature your questions in a future episode.