What if your favorite ways to “take care of yourself” are actually driving a wedge between you and your spouse? Brad and Kate Aldrich dive deep into the concept of “imitation self-care” – those activities that seem beneficial but might be creating distance instead of connection in your marriage.

With humor and vulnerability, the Aldriches compare these activities to imitation crab meat – it looks like what you want, but doesn’t quite satisfy the same way. From binge-watching shows to mindless scrolling, from workaholism to retail therapy, they explore how these common escapes might be substituting for genuine connection and emotional processing.

The conversation takes a particularly insightful turn when discussing how these patterns emerge during stressful life transitions, especially when couples have young children. Brad notes that many men turn to work for validation when they feel displaced at home, while Kate acknowledges how exhaustion can make affirming your partner nearly impossible during those challenging seasons.

What makes this episode particularly valuable is the compassionate approach to self-examination. Rather than condemning these behaviors, the Aldriches suggest “inviting them onto the porch” to ask why they’ve shown up. This curious, non-judgmental stance opens the door to discovering what needs these activities are trying to meet, and how couples might find more authentic ways to care for themselves and their relationship.

Whether you’re currently struggling with disconnection or simply want to evaluate your self-care practices, this conversation offers practical wisdom for moving beyond imitation to find genuine rejuvenation – both individually and as a couple. Listen now to discover what your “go-to” escapes might be revealing about your deeper needs, and how addressing them honestly could transform your marriage.