The Fruit Was Sweet To My Taste: Let's Talk About Oral Sex-Full Transcript
Hello everyone, welcome to Still Becoming One. Yes. We’re glad that you are here today.
Kate Aldrich:
Yeah, we’re up. We’ve had breakfast.
Brad Aldrich:
I know right, this is good so we’re ready to go today.
Kate Aldrich:
We are, we are so hopefully you are too, because this is a topic, man, it’s a topic. For sure.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, so do we just dive in or are we going to talk about, you know, just normal stuff for a little bit here?
Kate Aldrich:
Would that make it awkward?
Brad Aldrich:
Probably.
Kate Aldrich:
Sure, we can. I mean, I don’t have anything specific, it’s sunny. I always report on the weather here, in boring old Pennsylvania. So sunny and March and gonna be 65 today, which is like what season are we in?
Brad Aldrich:
I don’t know, it’s not spring yet, but it feels like it.
Kate Aldrich:
So that’s like prequel of summer man which is technically spring. Anyways, yes, we might as well dive right on in.
Brad Aldrich:
So I’ll just put my little disclaimer on here.
Kate Aldrich:
We’re gonna be a little. There’s a disclaimer.
Brad Aldrich:
Direct today and talking about things, so this may not be one that you want to. You know, play in the car with your kids there, or something like that.
Kate Aldrich:
So I think they’d probably be able to gain that from the title.
Brad Aldrich:
Oh, probably.
Kate Aldrich:
I didn’t know we were going to be super direct though, so we’ll see how this goes.
Brad Aldrich:
We’re talking about oral sex, so that’s direct enough.
Kate Aldrich:
Can’t we use the biblical terms that are kind of like is that actually what’s being talked about.
Brad Aldrich:
We can.
Kate Aldrich:
But so he’s like huh All right, Okay.
Brad Aldrich:
So yes, we’re gonna talk about oral sex. We have had this question so many times. In fact, most places when we speak if we do like a anonymous question and answer thing, we get somebody asking about a lot of things about oral sex. I did that the other day.
Brad Aldrich:
I teach a intra to psych class and human, human development and all that kind of stuff. And we had a session where I had told them like they get to anonymously write in questions and actually I forced them. I said either you write in a question or you can write on your anonymous card. I’m 17 and I know everything there is to know about sex, so I don’t have any questions. Amazingly, nobody. Nobody chose that one, but I have all juniors and seniors. So they were asking some pretty good questions and several of them about oral sex. So I told them if you have the guts to ask, I will answer frankly what you need to know, what you need.
Kate Aldrich:
So well, and you teach that class at a Christian school, which is important because I don’t want to go too far down this rabbit hole, but a lot of times they’re the less informed crowd in high school, unfortunately right.
Brad Aldrich:
Some of them had some information that they had clearly had some parent input on things.
Kate Aldrich:
That wasn’t bad Okay we’re going down this rabbit hole. What makes you think it was actually parent input and not peer or some other influence of input.
Brad Aldrich:
That’s true, but I also did ask, like you know, what kind of education you guys? Have had Some of them had had parents who sat them down and had good conversations. Some of them had did not always making them sit down over something official makes those talks go so much better.
Kate Aldrich:
So anyway.
Brad Aldrich:
So anyway, we get so many questions around oral sex. And is it okay Is it something that we have to do? Is it something why? Why does my spouse want this all the time, like all those kind of questions? So we figured we would go there and try to tackle some of those questions.
Kate Aldrich:
Yes, so here we go.
Brad Aldrich:
So where do we start? Is it, is it okay?
Kate Aldrich:
Correct. I don’t. I guess I don’t understand why people are worried that it’s not. Maybe I’ll just be super blunt. I don’t know that I’ve actually heard any good reason why it’s not.
Brad Aldrich:
That’s a great question. Yeah, why do you think it is not okay?
Kate Aldrich:
Right, right.
Brad Aldrich:
And I think it comes from this belief that we’ve talked about on the podcast before, that you know, sex is something bad or it’s only to be used for procreation, and obviously oral sex is not for that. So it like I think it’s derived from those kind of beliefs which I think you would have a hard time biblically proving.
Kate Aldrich:
Gotcha Right.
Brad Aldrich:
That’s, that’s probably where it’s mostly coming from. Yeah, it is that. I think people also think of oral sex as something connected to, well, pornography, connected to prostitution, connected to, you know, other unhealthy practices of sex. Okay, some people connected to that.
Kate Aldrich:
That’s okay. Well, I would think that would be everything, though.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, it is everything.
Kate Aldrich:
I mean, obviously, maybe there are even some things that wouldn’t be considered in a relationship of two committed people who don’t want to have any of that influence, but I would think that would include every act. So that doesn’t really I don’t know. I yeah, that doesn’t really to me explain why it’s not okay. So I think, like the is it okay? Is like such a moot point and question.
Kate Aldrich:
So I think I don’t think we need to spend a whole lot of time there. Obviously, maybe there are some people who disagree with that, but you know, I’d love to hear your argument that why it’s somehow not okay. If. God gave us sex not only for procreation, but for enjoyment between two people. As we’ve said before, with the is it okay Question, it really is like is it honoring to your spouse? Is it mutual?
Brad Aldrich:
Yes, right.
Kate Aldrich:
Like both people are wanting to do whatever part they are doing, if that makes sense, and I think with oral sex that is an important piece, because if one of you isn’t comfortable with the giving or the receiving or you know anything in between I don’t know what that would be but you then that’s not right, it’s not mutual and it’s not then. Therefore, honoring Correct.
Brad Aldrich:
Correct? No, I think that is actually. I love that you’re turning it around and in saying, instead, prove to me that it’s okay. How about the opposite? Like, prove to me that it’s somehow not right. And that’s even before. I always go to and challenge people to read Song of Solomon. It is impossible to read that.
Kate Aldrich:
Read the weird words that they used to describe it. Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I don’t have a problem with Song of Solomon, I am just camp some of the, as I said before, some of the imagery used is interesting to me.
Brad Aldrich:
Yes, so this one. It’s one of the shorter ones, so I’ll just read it rather than some of the long ones, here we go. Song of Solomon 416,. Awake oh North Wind and come oh South Wind. Blow upon my garden and let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choicest fruits.
Kate Aldrich:
Yeah, I okay. We probably shouldn’t get stuck here, cause I could go down this rabbit hole for a while of like really oh. I don’t have a problem if that’s what it is. I’m just thinking we could have been a little bit more blunt about it. Um, and maybe.
Brad Aldrich:
There’s, there’s, I mean, you know, and in some of the longer ones, in in Song of Solomon 2, he’s describing her body in many ways, using some of these same imagery and talking about, you know, yeah, talking about all kinds of sexual acts in that process.
Kate Aldrich:
I might get in trouble for this, but you can tell a guy wrote it.
Brad Aldrich:
Oh, yes, you can, but but there is, there’s women voices. Yes, that’s true.
Kate Aldrich:
That’s true, there, there is, but that is not. That is the male male voice correct.
Brad Aldrich:
That was both.
Kate Aldrich:
actually that, what I read was both oh and now. I don’t know, guys, maybe I’m wrong.
Brad Aldrich:
So, but I will say here’s here’s one of the things that I think is important, as we’re talking about oral sex is many people picture oral sex when we say that, the immediate thing that comes to a lot of people’s minds is the male receiving oral sex.
Kate Aldrich:
Well, I definitely think that’s typically more what is there is knowledge about and things out there about.
Brad Aldrich:
Yes, I agree, and I think that is the picture that most people are thinking about and asking about, right. When they’re doing this, but I think we need to say it isn’t just that Right, it really is the potential of giving and receiving, both sides. So right like there’s not a one-sided right or wrong in this, in this topic.
Kate Aldrich:
No, absolutely not. Yeah, so it absolutely can be both. It doesn’t have to be right, but it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t cause that’s. I think one of the questions we get a lot is it feels very one-sided.
Kate Aldrich:
Since you said, historically it is often talked about as the male receiving. So it shouldn’t feel that way and if it does, I think that’s an important conversation Right, cause there’s some, some thoughts, some rooted issues kind of there that needs to be talked about, Like why does it feel that way? Is it not extended that the female can also receive? Like what? Where did that all happen from?
Brad Aldrich:
I think that’s exactly right, like, and it should be thought about that way. And I will tell you many of I mostly work with men, okay, so, many of the guys that I talk to. Actually they’re very much in favor and wanting to give oral sex as much as they want to receive it, and yet there’s I think there’s hesitance from their spouses, often on both sides or on of that.
Kate Aldrich:
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don’t know how much that is true. Yeah, I don’t know how much that’s true, and maybe that is just in the Christian culture, because I don’t think that’s necessarily widespread. I’d love to hear some statistics on that. I don’t know how many people send in their statistics.
Brad Aldrich:
Wait, which part isn’t true?
Kate Aldrich:
There’s hesitation for women to receive it.
Brad Aldrich:
For women to receive it, yeah.
Kate Aldrich:
I don’t, but I’m wondering. I should say I’m curious if that’s just a Christian culture thing.
Brad Aldrich:
Maybe I think it feels I don’t know, I don’t actually want to put in any words there of why some women don’t want to receive that, but I think there is. I think this is a topic where, again, it has been more often the women being the limiting part because of what they’ve been told about it, because of this whole idea of enjoying sex. I think it’s sometimes been drilled into women that that says something about them. You know that often they don’t want to have that.
Kate Aldrich:
Well, I think also there is a lot in the Christian culture of women not even like their sex education in general was lacking.
Brad Aldrich:
Oh yeah.
Kate Aldrich:
So they know nothing about it or that it’s even an option.
Brad Aldrich:
Well, that too.
Kate Aldrich:
I think that’s very common, believe it or not, I don’t know about now as much, but I think, as every generation goes on, hopefully will be less. But I think that that is kind of shocking to them that it’s even a thing, and then like is it okay? Should I? It’s just when people are uneducated, they don’t know what to do with it.
Brad Aldrich:
But I hear this attitude and maybe this is a male perspective, so you can tell me I’m totally getting it wrong. But I think I hear guys saying it feels like my wife almost doesn’t want to enjoy sex because that would make her a pretty negative word.
Kate Aldrich:
Okay, but that I don’t think. A lot of women it is all part of the potential repertoire in sex. But I don’t think especially in the Christian culture that which I’m sad about this that women like I think they consider it different. So when you say they don’t want to enjoy it, I don’t necessarily, because I do talk to women who are fine with enjoying sex. The I don’t know why wouldn’t we like the more like typical, the way that can lead to procreation.
Kate Aldrich:
Vaginal sex yes, Right there we go, We’ll just go there, but that always that’s even that term’s one sided. But anyways, like they, they see penetrative sex. Okay, they see oral sex is different, right?
Brad Aldrich:
So like they’re willing to enjoy the non, the traditional way, let’s go with that, and the alternatives are more difficult for them to enjoy and Okay, and maybe this is off topic a little bit, but I think there’s a place where, even when you get into positions and things like that that would be different in any form of sex, I think there is more shame that is somehow creeping in for a lot of women of like I shouldn’t do this or this would feel weird to do this or or those kind of things.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, and I’m not even blaming the women of that. I think there’s some cultural things that have said women who enjoy that are somehow promiscuous or somehow bad, right, like. So. There’s this chastity idea of like the. The ideal chaste woman is somehow you know one thing versus women who like this stuff are somehow bad. And then you get into marriage and you go hey, let’s have fun with sex and like those same thoughts keep coming. That, I think, keep many couples trapped in, not knowing how to actually have an enjoyable sex life.
Kate Aldrich:
I think, I think I would agree with that. I still think a lot of it is because they don’t even know what it is, and then they feel confused that they don’t know what it is. So why, right, like there’s so much like, why does my husband want this?
Brad Aldrich:
Is it right? That’s a great question. Why does my husband want?
Kate Aldrich:
this. That is a great question.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, and I think it’s one we hear often.
Kate Aldrich:
Correct.
Brad Aldrich:
That that happens. Why is this important to them?
Kate Aldrich:
Yes, I’m sitting over here waiting for you to enlighten everyone.
Brad Aldrich:
So I and I’m going to go both the why does my husband want to receive and why does my husband want to give, right Like. So I think there’s both sides of that and, honestly, I think it really does come down for most guys to a thing of just experiencing pleasure in a different way and just the desire to do that. Now, there, there are other aspects of oral sex that happen differently than than other sex. I think most of the time it is just simply another way of experiencing pleasure together.
Kate Aldrich:
Okay, however.
Brad Aldrich:
However.
Kate Aldrich:
That together word at the end doesn’t really work. It can, but you’re correct, it is often yes, but I don’t think that’s often how people are enjoying oral sex together. Yes, it can be done together, but that’s not You’re wrong. But I don’t think that’s like how most people are enjoying it together.
Brad Aldrich:
At the same time mostly not, there’s a specific number for that, but like yes, I do know. Sorry, but the you know. So, yes, you’re right, that isn’t, but I think this is. I am over generalizing here. I think most men who are like, hey, I really want this, they are actually saying I want to both give and receive this. I think then what happens is the husband goes hey, if you don’t want to receive it, I’m not going to push that side nearly as much as the, but I still want it.
Brad Aldrich:
So, what ends up happening is this thing of I want you to give it to me is the only thing that gets heard, even though I really think most guys are both direction and it should be. And it should be.
Kate Aldrich:
Let’s just put that like if you’re wanting to receive it you should be. There should be nothing that makes your wife feel like You’re also not willing to give it.
Brad Aldrich:
A hundred percent. I totally agree with that, but I really do. In talking with many guys, I see it as this thing where they would be happy to give that and that is not wanted. So then they just revert to asking to receive it and I think the wanting to receive it there’s several elements, right. There is just a different form of sensation slash pleasure. There is kind of the erotic side of it, like it’s exciting or something like that. That is okay. There’s nothing wrong with that in a marriage relationship, and I do think there is. I don’t think we can have this conversation about oral sex without talking a little bit about power structure, right, because I think there is some of that element that’s happening.
Kate Aldrich:
Yeah, I was just going to. You know, that’s what I was just thinking as well. I think we’re thinking the same thing, but I’ve thought that before Go ahead, go right ahead, not the case. So just, I think it’s really important to have a conversation like here and the conversation be open to the fact that for a woman it is very different to give than for a man.
Brad Aldrich:
Yes.
Kate Aldrich:
Literally, structurally, how the male body is versus the female body, and I think there is a piece of understanding that in general, for a woman, you most likely in relationships this is not going to be every relationship the man, as God designed them, is physically stronger and many times larger than the female.
Kate Aldrich:
And so already. Sex is a vulnerable piece for women and growing. If you grew up in any sort of structure where there was a deep loss of control, that could look like abuse physical, emotional, sexual, although sexual we’ll get to that. I feel like that’s a category in and of itself, but there was a deep loss of control. It could also be a parent was an addict, alcoholic All these different could be so much, yes, Even more so than sex. That is, as we said, kind of the normal version. That being very vulnerable. I think oral sex is even more so for a female.
Brad Aldrich:
Where it’s more vulnerable.
Kate Aldrich:
More vulnerable and a loss of control and fear and I’m just going to be blunt, I mean literally. I think all of us as humans know what it’s like when you have something in your mouth and there’s a fear that you’re going to choke. Every single one of us has had that experience. Sure.
Kate Aldrich:
That is a constant thought and theme for women. You can’t not Sure. I’m just going to be honest and so like. Keeping that in mind is important. But what I’m saying about the trauma aspect if you’ve had the loss of control, there may be things you need to identify that make oral sex even more scary or fearful.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah.
Kate Aldrich:
And I don’t think that’s a reason it needs to be avoided, but I think it’s a reason there needs to be some conversations, because there can be ways that you can enjoy it together that feel more like the woman has a sense of control, even though she might be allowing her spouse to guide her in what he is enjoying.
Brad Aldrich:
That’s really good, because I think it’s so important that you talk about, beyond sexual abuse, the loss of control that does happen and how important it is to keep that in mind, because there is, you’re right, a power differential, right, and I think oral sex often is a place that is demonstrating that power differential and that is a perfectly okay thing in a relationship where you’re restoring, you know, healthy power, like you’re restoring a give and take relationship.
Brad Aldrich:
That is what it should be, and so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But I think we have to be aware that it’s happening, and sometimes I think guys probably use that in a negative way of trying to take power, and that is not going to be helpful in your relationship.
Kate Aldrich:
Say more. What do you mean? They try to take power because it feels like a powerful act.
Brad Aldrich:
Yes, correct. So I think there is sometimes that guys who are pushing for this are actually pushing because they feel pretty powerless in their relationship.
Kate Aldrich:
Or powerless in general, not just in a relationship.
Brad Aldrich:
And that’s not a healthy way to approach this.
Kate Aldrich:
No, because it’s just going to hurt things and like we need to remember women in general in the United States. I’m not going to talk about other cultures because it is different. Women in general in the United States are born with the historical systemic trauma of being treated as the lesser sex, Abused as the lesser sex. I mean women still make less in this country. There are certain jobs that are off limits to them, Like that is in our DNA. As I say, women get in an elevator.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah. And they’re thinking am I going to be safe?
Kate Aldrich:
I’m interested for you women who are listening. I didn’t realize this until we did our trauma training and they asked what do you think when you get on an elevator? And Brad and I happened to be in the same room and I said, oh, I assess who’s in the elevator and what if I needed to get out.
Brad Aldrich:
And I assess what floor I need to get off on.
Kate Aldrich:
But until that moment I didn’t realize that I I mean, I did it, but I wasn’t like a conscious, like choice right, my body has known from the time I could figure that out as a young kid that that’s what I need to do as a woman Doesn’t mean I could take everybody in the elevator. That would be amazing, but, but still, I’m like thinking through it so like we have to remember that same thing will come to play in the bedroom because of course it’s in our DNA.
Kate Aldrich:
And then, if you add on top of that someone who has Grown up in a very controlling or not controlling, that could be a factor too, but an environment where there was a loss of control and actually growing up in a controlling environment is a loss of control. Of course you don’t have any control.
Kate Aldrich:
It means everybody else has the control right. So we need to think about that and I think husbands need to wrestle with this and honor it a bit, and Women need to think about is that playing a role in how I feel comfortable with this or not?
Brad Aldrich:
I and this goes back to we’ve had these discussions before where I think Sexual intimacy is something that happens out of a platform of safety that everyone feels, that safety that creates the connection.
Brad Aldrich:
I feel safe with this person so I can be vulnerable. I can be vulnerable with my body, and that then opens this place of exploration of what feels good, right, it is Really difficult to have pleasure of any type when we’re not feeling safe, right, right. So we need to be creating that safety in order to experience the pleasure that we’re looking for.
Kate Aldrich:
Well, and it’s a loss of control, literally it is and so if that’s for women, yeah, but I think so for men to.
Kate Aldrich:
Yes, there’s the control element of your bigger, your larger. You could Write there, there is that, but it is a like a band throwing caution to the wind for both of you and enjoying. And If a loss of control isn’t a good thing because there can be that aspect for men too to some degree Like that’s that’s gonna lead to fear and that safety isn’t going to be there. And I think you and I end up talking with a lot of couples when we do get into sex about Safety oh yeah usually when there’s a lot of problems, one person doesn’t feel, doesn’t feel safe.
Brad Aldrich:
Right doesn’t feel like they can communicate, doesn’t feel like their interests are at heart, doesn’t feel like they, you know, can Choose and that’s a big part in this. Like, if If you want to figure out how to have healthier oral sex in your relationship, then I think the start is how do you, how do you express that need in a way that brings about choice, that brings about desire, right? Like there’s nothing wrong with going to your spouse and going hey, I, you know what. I would really love to explore this, but that shouldn’t be done in the middle of passion.
Brad Aldrich:
And right so that be forced it shouldn’t be forced and it needs to be a discussion of hey, how does everyone feel comfortable and safe with that right and that even brings into this place of oil? Well, how do we do this, like physically, how do we start in a way that brings about safety? Other positions that would feel better than others Are there. You know, all that kind of stuff that I think can be an element of the discussion. Mm-hmm, should be, should be right, and I think too often we don’t actually see couples able to have any of these sexual conversations. So Basically, what happens is, you know, a husband’s indicating or somehow showing that he wants oral sex, but he doesn’t really know how to talk about it.
Kate Aldrich:
Yeah, I agree. I also think Many times for women they don’t know what’s going on and why they’re hesitant and, like you say, these conversations should happen. I said that as well. I think a lot of times it’s just like trying to Puzzle it out why, why does this make me anxious? Why like and sometimes it really can be Just meeting with a coach or a counselor a couple of times?
Kate Aldrich:
I know that sounds incredibly frightening, but I would imagine there is some trauma around it. That does not mean you you had sexual trauma around it. It’s the stuff I’m talking about the loss of control in your home, but I think so that’s something worth exploring. If you’re like I just don’t know why it’s a big, big thing that I don’t want this, I Consider that yeah if you have had sexual trauma around oral sex.
Kate Aldrich:
It is a completely different, different ball game and a completely different conversation, because if someone has been harmed in that way, like the person who has been harmed with it, actually needs to say it’s potentially like, not an option for us.
Brad Aldrich:
At least until they are ready to do some healing, like I do want to say there can be Absolutely right, but it has to be their choice of. This is something I want to heal If it’s forced again.
Brad Aldrich:
Right, right, you’re just re-traumatizing, yeah but they could get to this place of going. You know, I really want to give this to somebody that I love as a healing act and they could choose to go through the the hard work of of dealing with that trauma, but so I don’t want to ever put out that it’s impossible.
Kate Aldrich:
But I totally saying, for sure I totally agree with you.
Brad Aldrich:
It’s a different level.
Kate Aldrich:
But we also need to recognize healing doesn’t always mean that you want to go do that again. That’s correct, right. Like you, you can have gone through a healing process, but still that is. You know, for whatever reason it’s decided that that’s best that that not be a part of your repertoire, because that’s the thing oral sex Can be.
Brad Aldrich:
It doesn’t have to be right I think that’s an important thing to say is Is it so? We’re kind of saying it’s biblically allowable, correct, is it biblically required?
Kate Aldrich:
I don’t understand that. Why would it be required?
Brad Aldrich:
Well it. This is where people start throwing around the first Corinthians 7 Verse of like your body is not your own, it’s your spouses on both sides. Like it is specific to both sides and People say well, if my spouse wants this, then I guess I have to right, which I again disagree with. I think it is about creating safety for sexual intimacy. That’s how God designed us. So that verse is not meaning that you both get to do whatever the heck you want with each other, and there’s no say yeah, and I’m just sitting here thinking that’s not honoring and cherishing and delighting in your spouse.
Kate Aldrich:
No we’re pulling out that verse to make them do something. I just there’s not like. There are things that are stated in the Bible, and then there’s overarching themes of how we are to treat each other. Yeah and you don’t get a pass because they’re your spouse, that you can just sort of Throw Bible verses at them, like we are supposed to honor and delight in each other, and To me it’s not honoring when we’re demanding something right.
Brad Aldrich:
So let’s let’s kind of break down that the couple of sides of this, or for people who are listening to this. So if you are the spouse listening to this and you feel like your, your spouse is asking or even demanding oral sex, okay, and you don’t feel comfortable, what should you do?
Kate Aldrich:
Find a way to express that and, I think, find a way to Spend some time thinking about why why, Not that like it is okay to sometimes just say I’m not comfortable with it, but I think it would be important to your spouse to understand cuz.
Kate Aldrich:
I agree if they can. I mean, it shouldn’t be demanded. So, even if you don’t understand it, it should be accepted like that, really should it shouldn’t be like your husband will accept it Only if you have a good excuse or your spouse, your wife, will like that shouldn’t be the answer, right. However, I do think it’s helpful when we can understand for ourselves why it’s something that feels like not an option, because otherwise the natural thing we do is go to self-contempt for ourselves and we don’t like ourselves and then probably distance ourselves from our spouse. So so I think it’s okay to express that and then it’s okay to Decide that’s where you are for now. It’s also okay to say I would like to figure out more of why this, this, doesn’t feel safe to me.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, that’s really good.
Kate Aldrich:
But I do feel like spouses get to say I’m, I’m just, this is not. This is not for me right now.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, yeah, so alright, but let’s turn the tables. If you are the spouse who would like to give or receive Oral sex, and it seems like that’s something your spouse is resistant to, how do you have that conversation in a healthy way?
Kate Aldrich:
I think I’m just kindly sharing, like that that’s something you would like to do or receive, but allowing your spouse to have a say, right, like it’s not a demand, it’s a as you guys are growing and Having vocabulary for what you enjoy in your sexual intimacy. It’s just sharing that, yeah, but it can’t be pressure, it can’t be.
Brad Aldrich:
And that is a hard balance. Right to be able to say, hey, I think this is something I’d like to try, without feeling Pressuring is is a hard balance, but I think it’s, I think it is one that can be used sound Way better than I would imagine it normally comes out.
Kate Aldrich:
Oh yeah this is something I’d like to try. This is something I want.
Brad Aldrich:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think all of those it is about how do you create safety around that thing and how do you create the place of like, what would you think about this? Or how do you think this is something we could try? Right, that would be, I think, a better way of entering that conversation, mm-hmm. And, of course, then there’s going to be some questions of why, why do you want that, why do you want the other thing? So I I think it’s okay to start those conversations, mm-hmm, and have an open dialogue about it.
Kate Aldrich:
Yeah, yeah yeah. Building a culture of talking about these things is is not easy, but Really, if you’ve done the hard work to have good communication around sexual intimacy, it will be easier, but that takes a lot of intentionality.
Brad Aldrich:
It really does. Yeah, it really does so. Well, we would love to you know, have hear your questions, um, you know even have how your discussion is going. Are there other ways that you guys have navigated this in your relationship? We’d love to hear from you and maybe we can answer some of those questions on a prior or a future episode. There you go as well.
Brad Aldrich:
So reach out to us. You can email us at help at stillbecomingonecom, mm-hmm, and we would love to hear from you. Of course, you can check us out on our website, stillbecomingonecom and see episodes and all kinds of stuff that we’re doing as well. We hope that you can take from this and have some really great conversations for your relationship. I would imagine they might be fun conversations in your relationship, so fun yeah.
Kate Aldrich:
I feel like there could be a lot of synonyms with that, so enjoy, all right, so until next time. I’m Brad Aldrich and I’m Kate Aldrich. Be kind and take care of each other.
Brad Aldrich:
Still becoming one is a production of Aldrich ministries. For more information about Brad and Kate’s coaching ministry courses and speaking opportunities, you can find us at aldrichministriescom. For podcast show notes and links to resources in all of our social media. Be sure to visit us at stillbecomingonecom and don’t forget to like this episode wherever you get your podcasts, and be sure to follow us to continue your journey on Still Becoming One.
